Assuming The Worst

Happy Friday!

An interesting topic was brought to my attention this week. 

It's about how people (myself included) assume things, and then we assume that assumption is real, and end up hurting our own feelings. 

I am so guilty of this!! 

Example: A few years ago, someone acted a certain way around me and I automatically assumed it was because she didn't like me or it was something I did. I then became offended that I thought she didn't like me. A few weeks later I learned her mom was just diagnosed with cancer and my friend was trying to hold back tears, not avoid me! 

But I was so hurt by what I assumed that 

I was beating myself up over it. I was thinking of all the things I could have done wrong to upset her when in reality it had nothig to do with me. And now I'm feeling pretty sheepish about it. 

I think this is where technology and social media come into play.

How often do we judge how someone is feeling or thinking or even speaking when we cannot hear their voice or read their body language? That is left completely up to our imagination. 

I once made a humble suggestion on my favorite blogger's instagram. People were complaining that she never answers their comments. But this woman is a busy mom with a job and five kids, and I suggested that maybe she had her hands full and was too busy to write back to every single comment. 

I then recieved a message from one of the commenters telling me that she was shocked at my "tone of voice" and that I should be ashamed for talking like that. 

Wait... Unless her phone has a cool feature where she can hear a "tone" when reading comments, how on earth would she be able to know how I meant to say it? I never meant to sound rude at all. But she didn't believe me. She just knew it sounded mean in her head and she chose to let what she thought I said hurt her feelings. 

I see this all the time on Facebook mommy groups. 

And I do agree that being offended IS a choice. 

But I also don't want anyone to think that justifies bullying in any way. I think there is a big difference between stating an opinion and flat out bullying. And just because someone can choose to be or not to be offended, doesn't mean it is ever ok. 

This is where I am trying really hard to give people the benefit of the doubt. 

Maybe it's just a bad day. Maybe it's been a rough year. Maybe they have had a rough life. I don't know. But I do know that I'm going to try harder not to let my own assumptions hurt my own feelings.