Tall Girl Problems

 

   I'm 6'2, I have been 6'2 since I was a freshman in high school that is when I was 14 years old. I was 5'5 in 5th grade, 5'9 in 6th grade, 5'11 in 7th and 6'0 in 8th grade then of course my final height 6'2. If you want to get technical I'm 6'1 and 3/4 ths so anytime wearing shoes I'm 6'2 or higher with heels of course.:) This is me and I have of course grown to accept and like my height. Not much to do to change it. Though I joked a ton I would cut off some of my leg and give it to my shorter friends. Now The average height of a woman in the U.S is 5'4 so I'm almost a whole foot taller than the average woman. There are pros and cons to being tall. This week I will focus on the cons then next time the Pros.

 As you can see my height in most of these pictures the first two from high school.:)

Clothing cons - shoes, pants, tops, bathing suits. You name it in the clothes department.  it's hard to find the right size. With shoes I'm an 11 wide, women's shoes typically stop at size 10. So how am I going to find 11s plus the tricker wide aspect? Well if I was lucky I could find 11 but no 11 w. What ended up happening is I would have to wear boys shoes. Or spend a fortune on a pair of shoes online, but when I was growing up online wasn't too much of an option yet. Now pants well you can get the picture there ,if average height is 5'4 and I'm 6'2 pant lengths weren't in my favor. Tall sizes are very hard to find in pants so another challenge.

Car con- fitting long legs and tall head in cars. Even in my van, the McDonalds drive through person said "I was too tall for it and needed to get a truck." I don't know if a truck would solve it, but it's a nice thought. In most every car my husband and I drive we have to put the seat all of the way back, this affects car seats, other people in the car. I bet a short person wouldn't even have to think about this. Not to mention bumping our heads which brings me to next con. 

Watch your head con- so as I mentioned getting in and out of cars you bump your head, but the list doesn't end there. When you are at homes you need to watch out for cabinets, light fixtures, decorations, door frames ( for my taller friends) even in some houses ceilings are an issue,  branches, trees.  If I had a dime for every time I bumped my head on something I would be rich!:) 

Stalls and mirrors con- whether it is in bathrooms or dressing rooms stalls are too short! No I'm not a peeping Tom I'm just tall and don't mean to have the ability to easily see over stalls.  Not to mention when I'm in a dressing room I mostly sit to change or everyone will see! Mirrors are never at my level I'm constantly bending down to see myself in the mirror.

They most of the time cut off my head or from my eyes up.

Fitting in con-This one is a little more personable to me directly, but I have always felt like I didn't develop certain friendships because of my height. I try to be nice to everyone and its not that I dont have friends. I just wonder if because I was tall I never fit in because I couldn't wear the trendy clothes or maybe people were embarrassed standing around me because of my height. Even my sisters who are also tall have noticed this. I'm not sure why? I obviously have grown to accept me, because frankly I do like who I am, I just always kinda had that thought in  the back of my mind. That also goes hand in hand with growing up and dating. Tons of guys would say to me "oh emily you're so wonderful too bad you're not shorter or I would date you".  It was hard growing up hearing that. That of course wouldn't happen to a boy either only a girl.  I'm happily married now to a man I love and have two beautiful sons. I wouldn't change a thing! I just wonder as far as friendships go that has been a factor and still is in some degree.

  With all of these cons it's just a part of life and second nature to me. I honestly most of my life haven't  realize I'm tall until I see pictures. Of course I know I'm tall,  but since I'm just use to the world I live in ( me being tall and the rest of world being short) it's normal to me. 

  Next time you sit in a car without  bumping your head, easily find a pair of pants  that are the right length, see your self nicely in a mirror without bending down, walk under a branch with not getting attacked, or a light fixture over a table. Think of us tall girls and have some empathy:).

Hyperemesis Gravidarum from a Child's Point of View

I know that I have mentioned before that my mom and her six sisters also suffer Hyperemesis Gravidarum like I did with my boys. My mom endured HG five times. I am the oldest of my siblings and I saw more of it than any of them.

I often hear moms with HG seriously concerned about their children while they are suffering with HG. When you have HG it is really hard to do everything you would normally do. I remember crying because I was too sick to get Andrew ready for his first Halloween. I was pretty mad about it. Near the end of that pregnancy I was vomiting out of control again, and I remember hunching over the toilet and violently puking. Drew toddled in and bent over the toilet too. He started making a scratchy throat noise. He looked up at me and gave me a dimpled smile and a hug and my heart broke. What on earth was I teaching my kid??

The only thing that brought me comfort was my own memories of my mom having HG.

My earliest memories are of my daddy teaching me how to call his work and then call 911 just in case my mom passed out while he was at work. I was three years old and my mom was pregnant with my sister, Samantha.

I remember mom being hospitalized for severe dehydration. Daddy would take us to the hospital gift shop and we would pick out a Beanie Baby. We had quite a collection after a while. I wish I had a picture of it to show.

I remember people coming over to clean our house. I came home from school once and one of my mom's best friends was over and she put me to work with her. I was not happy about it because I wanted to watch my TV shows.

I remember hearing my mom throw up during the night. I remember her crying. But I was so young I didn't really fully comprehend just how serious it was. By the time she had her third baby I just thought it was normal.

I remember the first time I saw my best friend's mom at eight months pregnant. She was eating a burger. She looked so healthy and I asked my friend where her IV was. I asked my mom why she got so sick and my friend's mom didn't. Mom said that her body had to grow a baby a different way. That her body didn't handle babies well, and that they made her sick.

My mom got worse with each pregnancy. If you talk to her now she will tell you how she wanted to stop with her third child. She had my sister and brother so close (my brother was a surprise baby) and she wanted to be done. But she went on to have two more. By the time she had her fifth she had a PICC line.

I remember the pregnancy with my youngest sibling the most. I was ten years old. I remember she had a wonderful home healthcare nurse named Queeny. Queeny would come over and let me "help." I got to help start the IV, and I got to push her saline flush. I felt so grown up. I remember mom just slept down stairs in our big green chair while she got her IVs. She looked so skinny. I remember my grandma and aunts coming over to help mom shower. I remember laughing hysterically when she called one of us by the dog's name. Now that I'm older I realize she was so dehydrated she probably wasn't thinking clearly and didn't mean to. I remember my brother was born early because mom when into preterm labor due to dehydration. (A lot of this happened to me with my second baby, which makes me so nervous to have anymore.)

Overall, I don't remember all of the bad moments. It didn't impact our relationship. I never questioned if my mom loved us or not. I understood she was sick. And now that I have gone through it myself I feel bad that I didn't help her more. But I was a kid. I did kid things and lived in my little happy world. I had a fairly normal childhood.

I don't think Drew will remember much of my pregnancy with Ben. But if he does, I hope he remembers how much he loved squishing my vitamins into my TPN bag instead of pretending to throw up with me.

There is a book I found on Amazon called "Mama has Hyperemesis Gravidarum (But Only for a While)." We bought it for my boys just in case we decide to have a third baby. (NO that is NOT a hint or an announcement!) 

I tried reading it to Drew the day I got it but I couldn't make it through without crying. It brought back so many emotions and memories for me, both as an HG child and as an HG mom. I love how it always mentions that this condition is only temporary. The only thing I don't like about it is that the Mom gets better after a while before she has the baby and continues on with a normal pregnancy. Some moms get lucky and get that kind of HG pregnancy (that is how I was when pregnant with Drew) and then some moms don't get better until after the baby is born (like my pregnancy with Benjamin). But it is still a very good book. You can purchase it here. I've heard wonderful reviews about it from other HG moms.

Take a deep breath. You are doing your best. And like the book says, "It's only for a little while." (Only nine months is a LONG little while when you feel like death!)!But it does end. It does get better, and it will only be a tiny moment in your child's mind compared to all the YEARS of love and memories with you. I could barely take care of Andrew. He wanted my mom and sister more than me, but now he is a total mommy's boy. This too will pass. YOU ARE A GOOD MOM.

Follow me on Instagram: @diariesofasupermom 

Diabetes update

Diabetes wow I'm still getting used to saying that. But over the last week it has become almost natural. Melodee is handling it so well, a heck of a lot better then her parents are for sure.
I think it is all starting to sink in for her she asks me every morning if she still has diabetes and every morning I say yes and remind her that the shots she gets every day are keeping her from getting sick like she was. It is a lot for a 4 year old to take it, it's a lot for an adult to take in.

She is looking so good and getting into everything and making me crazy just like a 4 year old should. Looking back I have seen signs that things were changing in her. I remember hearing all my friends say that their kids constantly ask why questions and they are always getting into things and being curious. I remember wondering why she didn't do that. Her doctor said this could have been coming on over the last 6 months to a year so in a way her body was so tired that she couldn't really act her age or develop into her age in a way. Now that she is feeling better her body is catching up with her mind. She can focus and she is curious and asking all kinds of questions. I love it.

We didn't realize how much she had changed until she started doing everything she used to. My husband came out of her room the other night and said he couldn't remember the last time he got a bear hug and she had just given him one.
The hard thing with all this is there were signs but even if they had tested for anything it wouldn't have shown up. Thats the hard thing with diabetes is you don't know it's there until it is literally on top of you.
I still have a hard time....I hate that my 4 year old has to be used to shots....I hate that the thing keeping her alive are the shots...... I hate worrying about lows (which we have been dealing with) and highs and everything that can affect her blood sugar (seriously there needs to be an encyclopedia on just that topic)......I hate that my baby has to go through this I really just hate it all.

But..... I am also grateful that the shots are keeping her alive and that she is home with us....I am grateful that she is resilient enough to get used to the shots....I am grateful that we have doctors that can train us in what we need to know to keep her healthy.....I am grateful that even though diabetes sucks my baby can still live a full and normal life.

She impresses me like you wouldn't believe. In the middle of all this she told me she wanted some money so she could buy toys for the hospital she was at (primary children's medical center) so other kids can play with them like she did. How do you say no to that? She was going though so much and all she thought was how other kids like her might like toys when they are at the hospital. My husband and I don't have much money especially with doctor bills piling up now but we hated to say no.
I decided to open a boutique on facebook to sell things that we make. A portion of each item sold will be donated to the hospital to help other families like us (and maybe buy a toy or 2)
Our big thing at our house is being BRAVE. It takes a lot for a little 4 year old to get used to multiple shots a day so we need to be brave. She helped me design shirts and I am working on medical alert bracelets. Diabetes will not get us down. It will not win. I am bound and determined to make this as positive as I can for her.
You can check out our shop Sweet to Sassy Boutique HERE if you are interested in what we do.
These are some of the shirts we do. The horse is on the back of each one it makes me think of being strong. She loves sparkles so they are both glitter but they can all be custom made to say what ever you want.glitter or not. I wear my brave shirt a lot. I'm not always as brave as I need to be so it's a good reminder. She is such a good example and I'm trying my best to follow her lead. I am one lucky mom!!

 

I Am

I am.

I am a daughter, a wife, a mother.

I am a product of the past, but created for the future.

I am light. I am darkness.

I am a survivor,

Healer

Teacher.

Lover of the underdog                    and of chocolate.

I am me.

And though I have faults, they are but essences of the person I am and will become. They are me.

I have value.
I am me.

My Post-Birth Plan

One of my biggest fears about having a second child was the fear of enduring PPD again.

I felt so guilty for all that I missed with my first son. All the days I spent crying, sleeping, and dragging myself through day to day. I wanted to do everything I could to avoid putting me and my family through that again.

I know before some moms give birth, they write up a birth plan. A birth plan is basically a document that tells your medical team how you would like your labor and delivery to go. Of course, you cannot always control every aspect of labor and delivery, so it is important to stay flexible and open to changes in case things don't go according to plan. I pretty much wanted to do the same thing, only for after I had my baby.

I sat down with my husband and we came up with a list of things that we could have done to help me with my first postpartum recovery. Things like going outside, getting more rest/sleep, letting people help me, making time for me and for date nights with my husband a priority, setting realistic expectations and goals for myself, and remaining flexible if something did go wrong.

(Photo credit: Rezzen Photography) 

I made a list of people I could call if I needed help, along with their phone numbers and available hours.

I made small goals for myself. For example, a week after Benjamin was born my goal was to spend at least 15 minutes outside three times a week. I could do it in five minute intervals, I could spend even longer outside if I wanted to, but I could not spend less than my goal. The sunshine and fresh air helped relax me and make me feel semi-normal. It was a cool and sunny April. My oldest loved to toddle around the yard, and my new born watch safely from my arms. No matter how brief, it always felt really good to be outside and just enjoy that big blue sky.

I set realistic expectations. With my first boy, breastfeeding didn't work out and I ended up pumping for six months because I had an irrational fear of formula, thanks to social media and mommy wars. Pumping was extremely hard on me. This time I promised myself that I would give breastfeeding my best shot. I wasn't going to leave  the hospital without double checking with the LC that he had a correct latch  and that I was doing it right. I stalked up on breastfeeding essentials. I read everything on breastfeeding that I could get my hands on. And if all else failed and formula was best for my son, I would proudly be a formula feeder knowing that I was giving my son the best that I could. (Because, you know, fed is best.)

I allowed myself to heal. Having a baby can be hard on a body, physically and emotionally. I'm not saying you need to be a total couch potato. If you feel well enough to be up and moving then I highly recommend it. I felt SO good after I had Ben and stopped throwing up. I had so much energy that I hadn't had in months! Listen to your body. Don't overdo it. Sometimes I would put my oldest down for a nap, sit down to nurse my baby, close my eyes and just relax. Those were such peaceful afternoons. I didn't stress over messes. I knew I'd get to them eventually, and if I didn't I knew my husband would. It was more important that I heal properly than it was to have a spotless house.

My husband helped make a break schedule for me. On certain days that he was available, he would watch the boys for an hour or two while I either went to the store by myself (forget Disneyland, that was a REAL vacation for me!) or took a nap to get some rest. I didn't like to be gone for more than 45 minutes if I went out for fear that my breastfed baby would refuse a bottle and be starving. But those 45 minutes of getting out of the house were so good for my mental health. I remember wandering our local dollar tree in my running sweats and just enjoying the cheesy music and the fact that no one was screaming at me for food or running from me while I tried to change a diaper.

I also tried to make time for me. Crafting and reading were my getaways. Even if it meant missing out on an hour of precious sleep every once in a while, it was worth the sacrifice to see something I worked hard on and made myself. It's a great feeling creating something with your own two hands. It meant I was tired the next day, but it made me so happy doing what I loved.

I also made a list of things to watch for in my moods. Rage, anxiety, OCD, intrusive thoughts, unexplainable sadness, not bonding with my baby, basically shutting down and going on to autopilot.

I allowed myself to have bad days. After you have a baby your hormones can get out of wack trying to adjust, and sometimes bad days just happen. And that's okay. I just took it one day at a time and always tried to do better the next day.

The moment Tyler or anyone else mentioned I wasn't acting myself, I was to go see my doctor ASAP. I know some moms might choose to try to fight it on their own before seeing a doctor. And that is fine. I just know for me that it didn't work last time. It got worse despite my efforts and it almost ended badly. I didn't want to risk that at all. My husband and my sons deserved a healthy, happy wife and mommy. I was not going to take any more chances.

I took time to make myself feel pretty. I showered at least every day, if not every other day. I at least brushed my hair and pulled it out of the way. I always wore a little makeup too. Not to impress anyone, but to make me feel important in my role as a mother. I know my boys didn't care if I was dressed up, but it made me feel human. It also helped my self-esteem, especially when I was over eating as if my body was scared to starve again. (I gained all my baby weight after I delivered.) When I got the OK from my doctor, and felt well enough to do it, I started doing simple exercises to heal my Diastasis Recti (more on that later!) and going for walks. And by "going for walks" I mean walking up and down my basement stairs for half an hour at a time because going for a walk with a nursing newborn and active toddler is crazy. I also tried to be patient with myself as I worked on losing that after-baby weight.

I also came up with a plan with my doctor before I delivered about what kind of medication and treatment I wanted to do if I needed that kind of help. It was nice to know my options and to know that I had a good support system ready, just in case my post-birth plan failed.

I would also like to mention the option of placenta encapsulation. I know several mothers who have consumed their placenta in various ways and they say it helped a lot with their postpartum recovery, as well as avoiding PPD. I personally do not choose this for my own personal reasons, but I know several amazing mothers who have and it has worked well for them. I would like to point out though, that it is NOT a guarantee. Someone close to me tried placenta encapsulation and she still got severe PPD. And because everyone else swore it would be a cure, it made her feel even worse, as if she was a hopeless case. I don't want any mother to ever feel that way, so if you choose to do this, please know that it works differently for everyone.

 I am happy to say that, for the most part, my post-birth plan worked. I still ran into a small bout of depression when Benjamin was about four months old, but thanks to my plan it was quickly addressed and I as well cared for and recovered a lot faster than I did the first time. But my overall postpartum experience was SO much better than it was the first time. I am now ten months postpartum and I feel amazing. I bonded with my new son. I successfully nursed him for nine months (which was three months longer than my original goal), I felt well enough to do fun things with my toddler, and I didn't hate myself. I actually loved myself through my healing process. I had some good days, some bad days, and some crazy days where I wanted to rip my hair out, but it was all a breeze compared to my first recovery. This time I DID feel on top of the world. It was crazy and overwhelming and hard, but it was so, so beautiful. I actually miss my son being a tiny newborn. I miss it so much. I couldn't say that about my oldest boy. Those early days were hard on me. 

I wrote my post-birth plan based on my personal needs and made sure every area of concern had a plan and was covered. I signed it, and my husband signed it. Just to make it official and kind of "seal the deal." Do what works for you and what you feel is best. Be kind to yourself, and don't ever be afraid to get help.

Don't forget to follow me on Instagram @diariesofasupermom for more posts on PPD and how you can help raise awareness.

A new normal

A week ago today our lives were turned upside down in a matter of about 2 hours. A week ago today our lives were changed forever.

Last Monday I took my 4 year old daughter to her doctor she had the flu about 2 weeks earlier and just never got better. She was tired and drinking a ton of water so we assumed she was just getting over the flu or maybe had hit a growth spurt. The Saturday before I took her to lunch and shopping. I noticed holding her hand that they seemed so boney she seemed so malnourished which I didn't understand because she was eating a ton. She wasn't loosing weight according to our bathroom scale but still something didn't seem right. Sunday we went to grandmas for dinner. She is usually up and playing with her cousin, running around the house as happy as can be. That night she wasn't she spent the whole time curled up on the couch completely exhausted. That was the last straw my husband and I decided there has to be something wrong because she just wasn't getting better, I got her into her doctor the next day.
My husband mentioned diabetes that morning, he said he kind of recognized some signs, we brushed it off because our healthy 4 year old would never get anything like that. Stuff like that happens to other people....not us.
On the way to the doctor I started thinking about what he had said I knew absolutely nothing about diabetes. We got to the parking lot and she just cried the whole time because she was to tired to walk. I was getting frustrated with her and flustered. By the time we made it to the office she had to go potty I was kind of thinking maybe a UTI so they took a sample. We got to the room and shortly after her doctor walked in he was white. He asked me her symptoms and what I had noticed. Then he said that glucose had shown up in the urine test and that she had juvenile diabetes (or type 1 diabetes) and needed to be rushed to primary childrens hospital ER . I WAS SO ANGRY. How could he tell that from one test? He hadn't taken any blood he hadn't even really looked at her. He said he was going to call the hospital and let them know we were coming. I called my husband crying and told him what the doctor said, the nurse over heard me and said that there should never ever be glucose in urine that the only time there is is with diabetes. It all started sinking in. My husband left work the doctor came in and said her sugar was greater than 700 and that we needed to leave now and that an endocrinologist was waiting for us. Normal range is 100-200 so this was a big deal (remember I didn't know anything about diabetes then) It was the longest 35 minute drive of my life I have never been so scared. We got to the ER and it was all a whirl wind from there. We were told her pancreas was failing and she needed insulin. We let the doctors do what they needed to as we were watching our very sick daughter play, her only worry in the world was getting the dress on her Barbie. They got her stable and was eventually able to be put on insulin. They moved us up to a different floor and checked us in to stay the night. They said it would be a long night and they were right. My baby girl had lost 3-4 pounds in a week she was weak because her body didn't have insulin and couldn't break down the food in a way she was starving to death. The whole time we thought it was the flu. She just layed in the hospital be and cry because she was so hungry and thirsty but at the time all she could have was ice chips. She was so small laying in a hospital bed covered in tubes and wires monitoring everything they could.

For those of you who don't really know about Type 1 Diabetes the pancreas stops producing insulin so it can't break down the sugar so the body stops getting the nutrience it needs.

That night was crazy we and nurses and doctors coming in every hour to test blood and sugar and cognitive ability and who knows what else. We knew she was out of danger and that she would get better but we also knew that diabetes wouldn't go away and our lives had just changed forever.

As parents we kept praying it was a bad dream we wanted to start over with our healthy little girl with no care in the world, not this...we didn't want this....we didn't ask for this...she doesn't deserve this....she is only 4....she is only 4. She was pretty out of it through the night. We watched Cinderella, I layed in the hospital bed holding her every time I closed my eyes the room was spinning I kept hearing, 700, ER, diabetes, never going a way, insulin, shots, tests. No way this can't be happening to our little girl but it was and there was lots to learn.

Tuesday we spent the day training and learning about how to take care of her with hopes that we could take her home that night. She was looking so much better after getting the insulin in her system. She was able to get off the IV and eat which she was thrilled about. We were devastated but it was time to take action and learn everything we can about T1D.
We learned carb counting and insulin ratios and snacks and bed time and everything in between. Diabetes is a very serious disease and can't be taken lightly everything has to be done correctly. The first insulin shot she got I had to turn a way but later that day Trent and I were practicing on each other so we could give it to her. We were so excited when they said we could take her home that night (we were very lucky) we just need to go back for more training and doctors appointments but we were ready to get her home.
It was all such a whirl wind our lives changed in a matter of 2 hours but the night we got her home we decided that diabetes was not going to control us it was just going to be apart of the new normal. We cried for a few days, we almost had to grieve in a way. Melodee is so strong and a week later the shots don't even bother her she is back to her normal self and eating like crazy which is awesome. She is even starting to understand sugar and insulin
With T1D she can eat what ever she wants it just needs to be with insulin. It doesn't go a way with diet or exercise. It is what it is and it isn't going away. She gets 4 to 5 shots a day and it's hard.
It sucks and it is SO hard but we will make it like everyone else. We were shocked like I am sure most parents are.  
I didn't know anything about T1D a week ago and now I am learning something new every day. I am still sad. I remember walking through the store and a nice employee said how are you and I said fine thank you but in my head I was screaming "I'm terrible things are so hard how can you be so happy when my little girl is so sad" I am past that phase now and this is a start of a new week and our fresh start. There is life after and during diabetes and we plan to live it. We need to spread awareness, there are so many children going through this and they need all the help we can give them.
I'm not sure the exact point of this post but I just know I needed to put it our story out there. If you ever have any question that your child might being showing signs don't hesitate take them in even if it's just for your peace of mind.

So there might be more posts here about T1D but it is apart of our life and my life as a mother and that is what this blog is about. I'm not going to sugar coat anything. Part of getting though this life is trials and raising strong children and that is exactly what I plan to do.

Spreading CHD(congenital Heart Defects) Awareness

  If you are Facebook friends with me you know about this week. February 7-14th is Congenital Heart Defects Awareness week.February along with Black History month is also Heart month. As we talk about love and see hearts all around us we are reminded of Hearts and some are broken ones. As
seen in previous posts my son was born with several heart defects and still fights CHD with every heart beat he takes. This is something that was unknowingly thrown into my life with a newborn. So this is something I'm passionate about. Here are some facts about CHD....

• Congenital heart defects are America’s and every country’s #1 birth defect. Nearly one of every 100 babies is born with a CHD.
• Congenital heart defects are the #1 cause of birth defect related deaths.
• Congenital heart defects are the leading cause of all infant deaths in the United States.
• Each year approximately 40,000 babies are born in the United States with a congenital heart defect. Thousands of them will not reach their first birthday and thousands more die before they reach adulthood.
• Each year over 1,000,000 babies are born worldwide with a congenital heart defect. 100,000 of them will not live to see their first birthday and thousands more die before they reach adulthood. 
• More than 50% of all children born with congenital heart defect will require at least one invasive surgery in their lifetime.
• There are more than 40 different types of congenital heart defects. Little is known about the cause of most of them. There is no known prevention or cure for any of them.
• In the United States, twice as many children die from congenital heart defects each year than from all forms of childhood cancer combined, yet funding for pediatric cancer research is five times higher than funding for CHD.

Research Allocations & Impact

• Congenital heart defects are common and deadly, yet CHD research is grossly under-funded relative to the prevalence of the disease.
• Of every dollar the government spends on medical funding only a fraction of a penny is directed toward congenital heart defect research.
• The NHLBI has stated that Congenital Heart Defects are a serious and underappreciated global health problem.
• In the last decade death rates for congenital heart defects have declined by almost 30% due to advances made through research.
• Via ...http://www.childrensheartfoundation.org/about-chf/fact-sheets 

Do these facts surprise you? They surprised me too. When I was pregnant I didn't hear or know of anything about CHD yet 1-100 babies are born with them. I had no knowledge that my baby had anything wrong with him till after he was born even after having the normal routine ultasounds. After Shane's birth his cardiologist even looked at the ultra sound videos and couldn't see anything. Some people are never diagnosed because they go undetected. Most however that are diagnosed as said above will have major Open heart surgery to repair it. In Shane's case he will have multiple surgeries throughout his life.  

The CHD road not only affects the person itself but the families surrounding them. Its a long hard road and doesn't stop at just heart surgeries.  Here is a short version of my sons Shane's Story.

Shane 8 days old before first Heart Surgery

Shane 3 m old After 2nd heart surgery

Shane recovering in hospital

 At 8 days old the day after Christmas our precious Shane stopped eating and breathing weird, as first time parents we were very unsure of what was normal. We decided to take Shane to the ER around 2am. When we arrived his body temp had dropped to 94 degrees, they couldn't read any blood pressure and immediately was put on oxygen. Within a half hour we were told he needed to be life flighted to primary children's hospital. Shortly after that he was put on the ventilator because he no longer could breathe on his own and his body was very lifeless. When we got to Primary's he was diagnosed with two holes in his heart(ASD,VSD) a pinched Aorta (Coarctation)right outside of his heart. He was also diagnosed with left ventricle non compaction cardiomyopathy a poor pumping left side of his heart. Shane has endured two heart surgeries and barely missed being listed on heart transplant list. Later on Shane was diagnosed with a bicuspid aortic valve leak (BAV) because of this leak his heart will need multiple valve replacements (open heart surgeries) throughout his life. As doctor projects the first before he is twelve. 
Every time Shane heart beats it is fighting. Our story is just 1-100 born every 15 seconds. Not only do we endure heart surgeries and countless doctors appointments( that are an hours away) but most CHD kids endure, feeding issues, physical therapy, developmental delays, ENT oxygen dependency, and more susceptible to sickness .As is mostly the case in Shane's life. Help spread CHD awareness. 

There is a GO RED awareness going around to change your facebook profile picture to help others feel free to choose any of these pictures below. :) Or google CHD Awareness pictures.:) 

 

 Lets  get the word out about these defects. So Change your Profile picture to Red or a heart. So we can spread Awareness.

One of many echos done

 

Wearing Red for my Warrior

 

 Every day Research and medical science is evolving and there are things being done today that were not even known 20 or even 10 years ago. If you would like to donate for research in discovering more about these defects and finding out why... you can donate here. http://www.intermountainhealinghearts.org/donations  This organization donates funds for research and helps families suffering with CHD.  

Dearest Dani

Happy FRIDAY!!!

This week Drew had the amazing opportunity to review a pillow doll from Dearest Dani, and we are so excited to share our thoughts on these cute pillow doll, as well as their shirts!

First I'd like to point out the amazing  quality and detail in the pillow doll. It is simple, yet extremely well made.

 I love how unusual they are. It's not your every day teddy bear or dog. There are several different pillow dolls to choose from. Drew got the panda pillow doll , which he named Po (like from Kung Fu Panda). He was so excited!

The panda fits Drew's personality perfectly. He is our cuddly little guy. We loved our panda so much that I ordered a fox for Benjamin. Hopefully the fox will keep Benjamin from trying to steal Drew's panda! 

From the time he was a little baby, Drew has loved toys, especially ones he can cuddle with. We encourage imagination at our house, and Drew definitely exercises this. He treats his stuffed animals and toys like they are real. He carries a toy everywhere. He will feed them, cuddle them, read to them, sing to them, and sleep with them. Getting him to put his own toys away is a serious struggle for us because he cries like he is never going to see them again. He loves them all. I had to start to separate his toys into different bags and then rotate all of his toys every few months just to keep down on the toy clutter.

The hardest part about this is when he falls asleep he is surrounded by all of his toys. He is constantly waking up during the night because Dusty Crophopper is digging in his back or he kicks Buzz Lightyear and suddenly hears, "To infinity, and BEYOND!" I always sneak in half an hour after bedtime to tuck him in and remove all hard toys or big, bulky stuffed animals. But the Pillow Doll is GREAT because it doesn't take up a lot of room, and it is safe and easy to sleep on.

I also loved the size because it is not small enough to get lost easy, but not so big that it takes up a lot of room. It was great for our long drives to visit grandparents.

Drew gives Dearest Dani's Pillow Dolls an A+

I also won a "Ohana Means Family" raglan  from Dearest Dani a few months ago and it is one of our favorite shirts.

You can also custom order any of the Pillow Doll prints to be printed on a tee shirt for your little one! I think Drew will be pretty excited to see a shirt with Po on it!  

Be sure to follow Dearest Dani on Instagram @dearest.dani for giveaways, deals, and to see all of the other cute shirts and items!

A huge thank you to Dearest Dani for letting us do this review! We can't wait to order more! 

Have a good weekend! 

-Avery

She is really great at Bowling

When I was about 13-14 years old I was in an activity or a lesson in Young Womans about gossiping. They told us if a conversation goes negative to change it into something positive. You should always be able to find a positive quality about someone, but in the even that you can't think of anything just say they are great bowlers. Chances are high no one will know if its true or not.

And so, in the 13 or so years that have passed I have continued to use that. Everyone is a great bowler in my book! And you know what, it works! It brings the conversation to a halt just enough for it to change. Generally I get asked when I bowled with them. Sometimes I make up a great story about how we were at a work function and they got 5 strikes in a row. But, usually I just explain that I'm just changing the conversation to something positive. For the most part, they go with it and the convo ends. I have used this so much in the past 13 years all I need to do is mention bowling and my friends know what I am doing and it just stops. Now that is power for good.

And so if you are ever in a predicament of joining in on the gossip or stopping it. Stop it. Turn it positive. It works. Every time.

Dear Son: From a Mom with PPD

My darling son,

I loved you the moment I knew you existed. I loved you through all the puking, every IV, every pound lost and every ache in my hips. I counted your kicks and the days until you arrived. I was young but I was so excited to be your Mommy. 

I had your name all picked out until the first night I dreamed about you. We were going to call you Caden. I dreamed you your name was Andrew, (Drew for short) which has been my favorite boy name since high school. From that moment on I couldn't call you anything but Andrew. Andrew means warrior and guardian. And it fits you so well, my little Drew Bear.

On the day you were born I was scared out of my mind. You came out all perfect and new. You didn't cry at all. I remember the nurse rubbing you and telling me you had dimples. Oh, how I love your dimples! But you still never cried. You were so calm and curious. Daddy handed you to me and your giant blue eyes looked up at me like no one has ever looked at me before. 

I remember trying to nurse you. You screamed. It made my heart hurt. I couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. You were happier with a bottle. But I couldn't give you formula. I didn't want to be labeled a bad mom. So I pumped.

 I wanted to bond with you. I wanted to play and dress you up and sing to you every day. But I felt like such a bad mom. You were so perfect. You deserved the best and I didn't feel like I measured up. I can remember your tiny eyes watching me as I fed you. But I looked away. I can't explain why. I loved you more than anything. But I felt like I was failing you already. I was exhausted. Pumping milk for you was the only thing I seemed to get right. All I did was cry and sleep. I had Postpartum Depression. And I am so, so sorry. I know you probably don't remember. But I do.

The guilt I feel for not being there for you mentally and emotionally is crippling. I feel so guilty for not being the kind of mom I wanted to be. It tears me up to think about how absent I was your first four months. I had thoughts of hurting myself. Leaving you with your grandma so you'd be safe and then disappearing. I hated myself. I wanted to be a model super-mom and I was so exhausted physically and mentally that the most I could do was basic motions. Feed you, change you, clean you, put you to sleep. Snap a happy picture so no one would guess. All of that completely burnt me out.

I barely took care of myself. I hardly showered, makeup and hair required standing so long and I was too tired for that. I just wanted to sleep. I was so scared something would happen to you so I never let anyone else watch you. I was your mom and it was my job. I shouldn't need help, right? Oh, how I wish I had asked for help sooner. 

I never ever want you to think it was your fault. It is no ones fault. It was a hormonal imbalance. There is nothing anyone really could have done. And as much as I wish I didn't get it, I did. It was a big trial for me. I just wish it didn't have to impact you too.

(Drew and I when I was 8 months pregnant with my second boy. Drew was 15 months old.) 

I'm sorry I almost gave in to the darkness. I'm so sorry I didn't go see my doctor sooner. I hold you in my lap now, a big two year old boy, and I wish I could squish you back into a small baby so I can start over. I would give anything to have those days back with you. It took me so long to feel like we were bonding. 

I'm so glad I am your Mommy. I love you and your brother more than anything and I'm so excited to watch you both grow. I love your hugs and kisses. I love your singing and your silly sense of humor. I love how kind you are. I love how incredibly smart and observant you are. I love your strong will. I love your cute little voice when you say, "Mommy? Hold you?" I love your dimpled smile. 

But all of that is in the past now. I'M BACK. And I'm so excited to finally be the Mommy I always wanted to be. I'm so glad I got help before it was too late. I'm so proud to call you my son. And I hope someday I can fully forgive myself for those first four months. As much as I would love to go back and fix it, I cannot. I can only nourish the bond we have now and cherish every second I have with you.

Thank you for loving me through it all. You were my light in dark places. I don't know what I'd do without my little Warrior. 

Love always, 

Mommy