Postpartum depression isn't forever

2 years ago:
I  cried. All the time--in the bathroom, in the car. Basically anywhere I was alone. I thought of driving my car off the side of the road into a big ditch, but decided to wait until after Christmas. I wanted Ava to be able to look at pictures of Christmas and have at least one year with me. I was exhausted. I was scared to be alone. I fought with my husband. I yelled at my kids. I had horrible anxiety attacks and flashbacks. I avoided certain things that reminded me of my labor and delivery several months earlier. This was my life. Every. Single. Day.

That is the face of postpartum mood disorders. I was diagnosed with PTSD, and at the time of the diagnosis that's all I had. I did get postpartum depression later, after I stopped seeing my counselor, but at that time I had learned coping mechanisms from my PTSD. Everything about the first 2 years of my daughter's life is cloudy. It was rough to say the least.


Today:
I am advancing in a career that I love. I have some of the best friends I could ask for. I fall in love with my children even more each day and laugh way too much at their shenanigans. And have a husband that would take on the worlds strongest man if I asked him to. While, I had all that two years ago, today The difference is I am happy. I wake up (reluctantly, I hate mornings) knowing that today is going to be great like the day before. I have had my fair share of trials. I lost my grandma recently. Things break down. Kids don't listen. Dishes break at the most inconvenient time. But, deep down, I am happy. And that, my friend, is a miracle.

That is the face of a survivor. That is the life of a warrior mom.

Life doesn't have to end with PPD and related disorders. It does get better. You can do more than survive, you can totally rock life. It does take time. It does take recognition and hope. Seek help. Talk about it. It gets better!!!. I won't lie, I do get moments where my old brain creeps in, but I am able to keep it at bay for the most part. Happiness is something I had to work for at one time, so now, when it so naturally comes, I don't take it for granted.