In the last week I've been thinking a lot about my own birth experiences. I am obsessed with birth stories. Everything from C-sections to home births. I find them empowering and full of the very stuff of motherhood. I've watched every episode of Call the Midwife on Netflix at least twice. I read the Birth Without Fear blog posts every chance I get. And I've noticed that a lot of moms seem to categorize birth in a "good, better, best" order.
The Friday before I was induced with my first son, Andrew, a dear friend offered to take my husband and I out to dinner to celebrate our last weekend as just us. Near the end of the meal, a waitress at the restaurant overheard that I was being induced the following Tuesday. She looked at me like I told her I ate nails for breakfast.
"Why would you...?" She caught herself and began again, shaking her head.
"Why not go into labor on your own? Why would you want all of that interferance?"
I was not prepared to answer this question. I had no idea that my choice to be induced was a granola mommy no-no.
I waffled out a quick version of how sick I had been and that I was already dilated to a four and it was a choice I made with my doctor.
What I SHOULD have said was that it was none if her business. How dare a mother look down on another mother for the way she chooses to give birth?
What I wish I had said was that I made this choice because it felt right for me. I didn't just go with it because my doctor suggested it. He would have let me do it however I wanted. The truth was that going into labor on my own terrified me. I trusted my doctor and I wanted him and my husband to be there. I didn't want an on-call doctor or to have my baby in a random place. What if a complication arose? My mother and my mother-in-law both say that if they had not delivered in a hospital a few of their children would not have made it. That terrified me.
Yes, I have seen The Business of Being Born. Twice. But I still felt an induction was better for me. Being induced sounded better. I knew the exact(ish) day my baby would come. I could physically and mentally prepare, especially with my bad anxiety.
I could choose an epidural or not before the pain got too intense. My doctor and husband would be right there in case something happened. But most importantly, my husband and I prayed about it together. I was given a beautiful priesthood blessing and I knew this was the birth I wanted. A birth without fear.
Now, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with natural births. I seriously admire the women that do. It's not for me, but if you can do it I say more power to you! It's what our bodies were made to do. It's fascinating and beautiful and powerful. But so were my births.
They were calm. They were peaceful. I got to chat with my husband, talk to my baby and read. The spirit in the room was overwhelming and touched my heart. I had an epidural both times and both were great experiences. No pain but I could still feel things. The only time I was in pain was right before it was time to push. During both deliveries as my hips widened for baby to move down I felt an uncomfortable and intense pain in my left hip that I fractured before my senior year of high school. If I could feel that pain through the epidural I don't even want to think about what it would have been like without it.
My labors were fast. I was dilated to a four the first time and a five the second time before they even started the pitocen. They were 6 and 7 easy hours followed by 20 minutes of pushing. The only times I was ever scared was when I saw my babies but didn't hear a cry. Drew was just very calm. He was breathing fine, but he was so silent. His big blue eyes were too busy taking in his new surroundings. Benjamin wasn't breathing but after a minute he let out a very angry scream.
I once heard that getting an epidural drugs the baby and makes them sleepy during their first moments of life. This is very false. Both my boys were very awake and alert. And I know a lot of moms complain about back pain from epidurals but I have not had any problems. 
(Andrew less than 20 minutes old.)
Now, I KNOW not every induction goes as well as mine. Some have been very traumatic and scary for some women. I loved my births. They were perfect for me. And I hope all of my deliveries to come will be like my first two.
And yes, even C-sections are so beautiful. I feel like a lot of moms I talk to feel like they need to explain themselves if they have a C-section like formula feeding moms feel like they need to explain their feeding choice. It's no one's business. I do feel like doctors sometimes push C-sections more than they should. But a lot of moms don't plan on it, but it saves their life or their baby's life. Some even choose it! How you have your baby doesn't make you less of a woman or mother. C-sections can and are just as beautiful and empowering as a natural birth.
"Sometimes, despite all our preparation, planning, and the righteous desires of our hearts, things can't happen as we hoped. Not many people get the exact birth they imagined, but we usually get the exact birth we (mother and baby) needed. The important thing is to remember that every birth is a miracle and no one should feel like less of a woman because her baby needed to come a certain way." (The Gift of Giving Life, Creating a Sacred Cesarian Section by Sheridan Ripley.)
I think C-section moms are strong. I know the pain after having one is not something easy to go through. Every mother is different, every situation is different, every birth is different. (MYOB!) Sometimes things don't go as planned. That is just life. But we DO have control over how we handle the situation presented to us... To a degree. (I'll talk more about that when I talk about my postpartum depression.) Birth is not good, better and best. It's what is best for YOU. It's about support and love and bringing a brand new life into this world!
Having a baby is a sacred experience. No matter how it happens.
Yes, I had two planned inductions. Both at 39 weeks. Both were to end my battle with Hyperemesis Gravidarum. Both were to ease my mind. Both were beautiful, wonderful experiences that I wouldn't trade for anything. They were perfect for me.
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