My Post About Anxiety

I'll be honest... I've been having major anxiety about this post! It'sThursday night, my post is due in the morning and I have written about four different posts in attempt to avoid this one. But I am getting a good feeling about it so I'm just grabbing a thread and pulling and hopefully this will unravel well. 

I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember. My mom will tell you all about how I wouldn't color pictures when I was little because my anxiety was so bad I was afraid I would mess up.

 I remember having anxiety about school. There wasn't a logical reason for me to stress about it. Nothing bad usually happened. But I wold wake up and be so anxious about it that sometimes I would make myself sick. 

My anxiety has held me back a lot more than I would like to admit. It drives my carefree, outgoing, and adventurous husband crazy. I've turned down writing opportunities, missed fun parties, and even job opportunities, just because I have social anxiety. If I run into you and I seem awkward at first it is because I'm trying to calm down. I do better when I have Tyler or someone I'm close to with me.

My stomach churns like butter. My heart starts to pound and I feel light headed. Sometimes I shake. Sometimes I throw up. And since I became a mom my list of anxiety triggers has nearly tripled. 

I decided I would make a great hermit if my husband would let me. But thankfully he is trying to help me with my mental illness. He encourages me to get out, to speak out, to write, and to socialize. He was the one who pushed me to join this mommy blog and I don't regret it!

 Some days it is harder than others. Somedays I just want him to make all the phone calls, go to all the appointments, go to the store, and go to friend barbecues while I stay home and read. But he says book characters don't count as real friends. Sometimes he has practically dragged me to places and by the end of the night I'm thanking him for making me come because I had a wonderful time! I sometimes hate it when he is right. 

Being a mom with anxiety is hard. When I have an anxiety attack I do not want to do anything. My house becomes a mess, and I serve cereal for dinner. Instead of crafting after bedtime, I curl up in my bed and attempt to calm myself down. Lately my anxiety has been keeping me up late into the night and sometimes in the early morning. Once the attack is over I'm exhausted and the few hours of sleep I get isn't enough to refresh me before my children awake. Then the following day is hard because I am fighting to keep my eyes open. It can take me a few days to fully recover, as long as I don't have another attack. 

So I recently asked a few friends that struggle with anxiety what they do to control it. The answers ranged from blowing on your thumb, to devouring fancy chocolate. But the most common answers had to do with distraction. Do something -ANYTHING-other than sit and stew in your own worry. The more you think about it, the worse it gets. Go  for a walk, write, clean, play a distracting game, blast music, pick up a good book, etc. One tip that really helps me is to voice my anxiety out loud. I say it in great detail. I even exaggerate. I do it a few times and by the third or fourth time I realize how silly it sounds and I'm able to calm down. But that doesn't always work. Sometimes I don't even know what I'm freaking out about. 

We have discussed the idea of putting me on medication to help control it. As of right now I have yet to talk to my doctor about it... Because it sets off my anxiety thinking about it. But I'm trying to find a better way to help control it, especially on those days I have a hard time functioning. 

So that's my anxiety story. It's not much. It is still hard to talk about it because it still happens so often, and I don't want to be seen as weak or like a crazy worry wart. But I really felt like I needed to talk about it tonight. Don't be too surprised if I decide to address it again later. 

Happy Fun Friday! 

-Ree