The Question

There is a certain question that I am asked more than any other question. And I understand why. It's a really good question. I ask myself this same question often.

It keeps me up at night. It crosses my mind when I'm doing the dishes with my two year old hugging my legs and asking for a cracker. It taps on my heart when I'm rocking my sweet baby to sleep. 

"Are you going to have more children?" 

This is a very valid question, especially when people hear about my hard pregnancies. 

I never know how to answer. A few times I have answered yes. I am then labeled as crazy, and at this point a few friends have jumped to the conclusion that Hyperenesis is "not that bad" if I'm willing to do it again. I often feel like they want to hear me say no. 

Not to offend, but it truly is nobody's business. I was pretty shocked when someone first asked me. I would never ask someone something so personal unless I was close to them. But apparently I'm behind on the times and it is a very common question. And I am now very comfortable in sharing my answer.  

I have never answered no. I can't say no. It doesn't feel right at all. 

This is all that I know... 

I want more kids. I love children. I love being a mom. I definitely want to wait a while before another one. But I do WANT more. 

I feel like I am supposed to have more. That's why I can't say no. I feel like I have more babies waiting to join our family. I don't feel like we are complete yet.

Obviously it's not only up to me or to my husband, but also to our Heavenly Father. He sent us Benjamin when we weren't planning on having another baby for a while. We learned from that experience that Heavenly Father definitely has His own plan for us. 

I'm terrified to have more. Just the pregnancy part. I have panic attacks and buy a million tests every time I feel even slightly sick. But maybe (not likely, but still possible) I won't get as sick again. I'd give my left arm to not get get sick and have a "fluffy" pregnancy. 

Heck, I'd even be fine with regular morning sickness. Throwing up three times a day would seem like nothing compared to throwing up every hour. 

I can handle constant nausea better than violent vomiting every time I sit up, move too fast or stand too long.  It wouldn't be fun. But I'd take it over HG any day. 

So there is my answer. Yes, I want more children. Adoption is a possibility, since I hate being pregnant. We will just have to see what happens in two years. We are definitely planning on at least one more. Hopefully.

I apologize for not posting last Friday. We had a loss in our family that hit me pretty hard. I am still struggling with it. I think I'm fine and then I hear about a new book and think I need to call her and ask if she has read it yet. She read faster than anyone I know. And then it just hits me that I can't call her anymore. I know I'll feel better soon. I'm just waiting for the raw sting to fade. 

Have a good weekend! Don't forget to be thankful!