This last week has been nuts. We are still trying to get the hang of this so called new normal. We have been going to diabetes classes offered by the hospital. They talk about pretty much the same thing but each time I go I learn something new.
I have been pretty bitter about our situation I try not to but I am. We are figuring out insulin and prescriptions and money just trying to make sure it's all done right because diabetes really isn't something you should be messing up on.
The last class we went to there was a sweet couple that their daughter was diagnosed the day after ours was. She is 2. 2! It's so hard not to be mad about that. It's all so unfair.
Her dad took her into the hall to let her play and I had to take the baby out. We started talking and I told him Miss M was 4. He looks at me and said it isn't fair they are just to young. My heart just broke for him because I knew exactly what he was feeling.
All weekend I've been thinking about this. There is a sweet girl here in Utah that is 5 they caught the diabetes to late and she had seizures and is really struggling right now. My husband and I were talking and I told him I just hate all this. And he said you know what? Here we are so sad about all of this (which is ok) where there are so many families that would give anything to just have diabetes and not all the complications that can happen with it. They would probably give anything to have them home. I have not been able to stop thinking about what he had said. He is right....
Here I am so sad watching my baby go through this. Every time she says mom I hate diabetes I just want to cry. The thing of it is is that it isn't going a way that's all there is to it.
I've started to think about the last month and how everything has changed. All of a sudden I realized how much my priorities have changed, how much I've changed.
I am one who tends to get offended pretty easily.....not any more. I have so much more to think about then who said what to who or so on. Or who likes me and who doesn't.
I used to be someone who tried to do it all, who never said no to any one. Not any more. I have to say no. When I am overwhelmed I can't in any way put my children on the back burner to help other people. If I am distracted that means I can't pay close attention to what needs my attention first and for most. Of course I still help people but I am trying so hard not to spread myself to thin.
I use to stress over the ways of the world. The problems and changes that are happening in the news. I mean I would stress my self sick over things I had absolutely no say in or any connection to. Now I am learning to just say SO WHAT. I can't change anything all I can do is stand up for what I believe in no matter what.
I guess in a what I have more important things to worry about now a days.
Now don't get me wrong. I am still an adult and I do focus on other things I have just decided to prioritize them a little differently.
I have started enjoying other things that I never did before.
I love watching her play in the sand box or drag the dogs around.
I love hearing her sing to her baby brother.
I love walking into their room he is in the crib she is in her bed and they are both snoring up a storm. I love it so much.
I started noticing the little things more then I am used to. I feel in a way I have a second chance to look at life a little differently. I am so grateful for that.
So yes am still frustrated about diabetes and our situation but I am so grateful that we live in a time that we do and have the medicine available that we do. I am so glad that I have my 4 year old home to pester me and make me crazy.
From here on out I have decided to keep smiling and be grateful for what we do have not what could have been. It's not going to be easy what so ever but I know it is possible. I'm sure I will still have my moments when I cry and scream but hey I'm human right. I am officially a T1D parent and I am going to be the best I can be and be proud of it.
I have been pretty bitter about our situation I try not to but I am. We are figuring out insulin and prescriptions and money just trying to make sure it's all done right because diabetes really isn't something you should be messing up on.
The last class we went to there was a sweet couple that their daughter was diagnosed the day after ours was. She is 2. 2! It's so hard not to be mad about that. It's all so unfair.
Her dad took her into the hall to let her play and I had to take the baby out. We started talking and I told him Miss M was 4. He looks at me and said it isn't fair they are just to young. My heart just broke for him because I knew exactly what he was feeling.
All weekend I've been thinking about this. There is a sweet girl here in Utah that is 5 they caught the diabetes to late and she had seizures and is really struggling right now. My husband and I were talking and I told him I just hate all this. And he said you know what? Here we are so sad about all of this (which is ok) where there are so many families that would give anything to just have diabetes and not all the complications that can happen with it. They would probably give anything to have them home. I have not been able to stop thinking about what he had said. He is right....
Here I am so sad watching my baby go through this. Every time she says mom I hate diabetes I just want to cry. The thing of it is is that it isn't going a way that's all there is to it.
I've started to think about the last month and how everything has changed. All of a sudden I realized how much my priorities have changed, how much I've changed.
I am one who tends to get offended pretty easily.....not any more. I have so much more to think about then who said what to who or so on. Or who likes me and who doesn't.
I used to be someone who tried to do it all, who never said no to any one. Not any more. I have to say no. When I am overwhelmed I can't in any way put my children on the back burner to help other people. If I am distracted that means I can't pay close attention to what needs my attention first and for most. Of course I still help people but I am trying so hard not to spread myself to thin.
I use to stress over the ways of the world. The problems and changes that are happening in the news. I mean I would stress my self sick over things I had absolutely no say in or any connection to. Now I am learning to just say SO WHAT. I can't change anything all I can do is stand up for what I believe in no matter what.
I guess in a what I have more important things to worry about now a days.
Now don't get me wrong. I am still an adult and I do focus on other things I have just decided to prioritize them a little differently.
I have started enjoying other things that I never did before.
I love watching her play in the sand box or drag the dogs around.
I love hearing her sing to her baby brother.
I love walking into their room he is in the crib she is in her bed and they are both snoring up a storm. I love it so much.
I started noticing the little things more then I am used to. I feel in a way I have a second chance to look at life a little differently. I am so grateful for that.
So yes am still frustrated about diabetes and our situation but I am so grateful that we live in a time that we do and have the medicine available that we do. I am so glad that I have my 4 year old home to pester me and make me crazy.
From here on out I have decided to keep smiling and be grateful for what we do have not what could have been. It's not going to be easy what so ever but I know it is possible. I'm sure I will still have my moments when I cry and scream but hey I'm human right. I am officially a T1D parent and I am going to be the best I can be and be proud of it.
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